Why SELF-ACTUALIZATION = like BEING IN LOVE

A few days ago, a fb friend asked me, “What does that even mean, to be self-actualized?” after seeing my latest post claiming that self-actualization is not just reserved for some. It’s the birthright of all.

Not sure where she was coming from, I had a bit of a heady response. I said that each one of my clients would probably answer that question differently but the common denominator in my opinion is a sense of freedom, clarity, deep impact, joy and fulfillment through active, creative and healthy relationships and engagement with the special people and endeavors in our lives.

She started to think about her current life circumstances, and wondered if I’d think that she was far from actualized.

I replied that in my eyes, self-actualization is not a “grade” or evaluation to give yourself based on performance, appearances or boxes to check off but more of an inner sense — often ignited by fast forwarding to your imagined last day and asking yourself did I do everything I wanted to do? If not, what is at the top of your list, and go from there.

She thanked me for my “beautiful, profound and wise” response and wished me a day surrounded by love.

I wished she’d asked me this question today, because my response would have been more personal and concrete.

SELF-ACTUALIZATION = LIKE BEING IN LOVE . . . WITH (YOUR) LIFE

I would have said that engaging in self-actualizing endeavors is a lot like being in love. That’s the best way to describe the feelings of euphoria I felt when meeting for the first time with the delightfully real, savvy, sensitive and wise women in my Own your Genius Zone 9-month transformational intensive.

Even a day later, my heart is still full and overflowing, my body and mind are tingling and buzzing with a natural high, and when I drop into my soul, tears of gratitude well up. My whole being is somersaulting with joy and I don’t have any control over it. I just know that this is what happens when what I’m doing is aligned with my soul’s grand design and boosted and backed-up by something magical and bigger than myself.

GROUP ALCHEMY & SYNERGY

Playing with others who are on similar journeys greatly intensifies this alchemical synergy. It didn’t take long for this particular group of conscious soul si-stars to open up to one another and do what they do best: deep heart sharing and caring.

While similar in their big-hearted dispositions, they are quite diverse in terms of their backgrounds, ages, life experiences, professions, where they are along their journeys of self-discovery and actualization, and in regard to their soul sanctuary alchemy skills and meditation experience — some are brand-new to it, some have done intermediate work with me, and some have done and are now doing very advanced healing work on their own and at very intense front-lines with clients. They’re relying on their unique dreamteams of spirit guides and the tools they learned to protect, support, and inform their daily well-being, practice and work.

Like most of my clients, painful and conflictual relationships — most often pertaining to intimate, family-of-origin, peer and work relationships — initially motivated the more advanced students to see me. They reflected on how far they’d come: as is the case for a lot of us, the first two decades (sometimes more) of their lives were primarily focused on “surviving,” managing emotional and mysterious dis-ease, and going through the motions of life without a clear plan, vision, or high hopes that they would ever get to “the other side.”

They confessed that there were days when they weren’t sure if they’d would make it to the next day, go crazy and/or end up in a mental hospital. Just daily living was exhausting and challenging because of their sensitivity, porousness and high receptivity to a barrage of psychic and energetic bleed-throughs filling their headspace and making it difficult to stand their ground when mistreated and let down by others. Deep fears, frustration, sadness, and anxieties about all of this often dictated their mood.

Powerful healing and continuous growth in all areas of their lives are the reason why they are now in happy, healthy relationships and jobs that are no longer an energy and attention sapping drain but a solid foundation and source of support that gives them the creative space, courage, stamina, and freedom to do their important soul work: empowering troubled youth, families, healers, teachers, and social service agencies in indigenous, inner-city and marginalized communities that are affected by severe intergenerational trauma, racism, psychological disabilities, prejudice, institutional oppression, and much more.

They are now able to reserve and dedicate their energy, brilliance, gifts, sensitivity, wisdom, and resources to tackle mammoth, long-standing, super challenging, and overwhelming issues and problems in creative, original ways, and offer those they serve the support and tools that will in turn ignite their innate resilience and healing wisdom. Their impact is deep, contagious, meaningful, immeasurable, and growing, and it’s my deepest honor to support their transformational trailblazing and ever-expanding natural genius in its fullest and highest expression.

RECIPROCAL MULTILEVEL LEARNING

It was wonderful to celebrate their mastery and how far they’ve come, and witness them own their power and accomplishments with so much grace, confidence, and healthy ego-recognition. This is so crucial for effective self-promotion, grounding, and resilience in the face of set-backs, resistance, and challenge – which you can imagine are many. This is a rare skill and stance that’s hard to come by these days but directly linked to self-trust, embodying self-respect and authority, becoming stewards of resources, power and $, closing pay gaps, leveling the playing field, and creating social change on a large scale.

It was also heartwarming to witness that their success in no shape or form compromised their empathy and compassion when hearing about the struggles of the new students. They possessed the fluidity and skill to be fully present and put themselves in the shoes of another without feeling better than or getting triggered or overwhelmed by pain.

Not only does this kind of “multilevel” sharing help the advanced students to stay connected to those they’re serving, it provides them the emotional stimulation to better shape their own vivid and heroic stories of inspiration. This is important because the downside of all this healing is that past suffering and pain can fade so far in the background, it’s hard to conjure up relatable experiences and memories.

Those newer to the teachings and tools are also supported by this set-up. They are recognizing their own hidden potential by learning how others with similar struggles have healed and freed themselves from stuck patterns, stories, relational dynamics and emotional reactivity that held them back. Dreams of writing books and stories were celebrated, heard and seen, and deep yearnings and longings, usually left on the backburner, of learning to work energetically with plants, clear years of “creative constipation,” and mitigate the threat and mistreatment that embodying our power as women tend to evoke, started surface.

The need and reason to first and foremost build a safe incubator — an inner home-base, green house, womb and sanctuary — that can serve as a buffer and source of fierce self-love, radical self-acceptance, and nonjudgmental compassion became very apparent. Without this solid infrastructure that connects our best inner re-sources to unlimited energy, love and creativity, aka the Mother Source, we are unable to escape the story loops and patterns that trap and gobble up our best energy. The usual scraps that we’re left with at the end of an unexamined “normal day” are not powerful enough to escape our inner cages, let alone tap into and spread our medicine on a larger scale.

Learning to love ourselves as the miracle of life that we are seems easier for women when imagining being pregnant with a precious baby spirit who represents our new, actualized self and needs the fierce protection, nourishment, and love as she grows stronger within our bodies and prepares for full integration into the world. This is precisely what all the women in the course will be doing in their own unique ways.

INTRIGUED?

If this new and more concrete information about my Own your Genius Zone transformational reset piqued your interest and made you wonder if you can still join, the answer, is YES, you absolutely can! I’m looking for 1-2 more fierce, wise women to join our sacred sisterhood and decided to extend the enrollment period for another week or two. I’m also offering a DISCOUNT (waiving the initial deposit) and BONUS (free 90-minute discovery session) for signing up after the start date. Schedule a call with me today to see if this is right for you.

If you’ve been on the fence, here’s a summary of the most unique benefits and transformative skill sets that you will acquire and enjoy in my online course:

  • A no bullshit, no drama sacred sisterhood that sucks at evasive acrobatics, one-upping, and power plays. They genuinely love to see you shine and succeed and are truly Hidden Figures and hidden gems of star quality.

  • A curated safe-haven and launch pad where your dreams can land and are honored, and where you can nourish your natural brilliance, creative genius and highest potential in every area of your life, starting with your relationship to yourself.

  • The cultivation of nuanced self-awareness, self-acceptance, and grounded confidence in order to effectively hit life’s curveballs out of the park with grace, courage, clarity, and finesse.

  • Freedom from the “same-story, different-day” drag, and innovative and effective tools to continuously reinvent yourself and grow into your most integrated and actualized self.

  • A surplus of energy, spaciousness, and inspiration to heal, work on unfinished business, and do meaningful impactful work that will feel like making love with life, every day.

  • The ability to transform your default sabotaging inner critic into a non-judgmental inner witness and eventually into a sage inner Creator.

This inner Creator will in turn shapeshift into your unique dreamteam of spirit-guides, kind of like a swiss army knife capable of solving any problem or conflict with extraordinary precision ideally suited for your psychological make-up, defenses, and strengths, focusing on the places where you need extra support, know-how, and magical and synchronistic reassurance to fully self-actualize and do what you’re born to do.

Still not sure because of some questions that keep coming up? Perhaps these responses offer you some clarity:

Q: Will it work for me? The program sounds great, but I’ve done so many programs like this and none of the results stuck.

Great question. I personally have not seen any program online or live that does what I do, which involves strategic preparation and priming of an often fearful or traumatized default ego-mind (using modern psychotherapeutic techniques) to receive and integrate healed and retrieved soul parts (using shamanic and spiritual practices). This dramatically improves the effectiveness rate of resolving patterns at the root. The combination of an uncompromised foundational soul structure that at the same time allows unique, personalized guidance to come through is enticing, intriguing, empowering, sel-propelling and helpful. It organically grows, develops and expands in direct response to your most immediate concerns, which is one of the reasons it is super effective and has a much higher stick-it rate than other tools and interventions I have tried and seen practiced.

Q: I’m not sure if this online format will work for me. I’ve only done in-person retreats.

I understand the power of meeting in person. There is an all-day live meeting scheduled next month for that purpose. That said, the women in previous online courses were surprised by how supported they felt in the presence of other powerfully aligned women — even if only through zoom face-to-face contact — and how much it accelerated their growth. Meditating with our eyes closed was so palpably healing and supportive, it felt like sitting in a circle next to one another. Because we are in different parts of the country, meeting on a regular basis in person over an extended time period is not possible and affordable. This format makes it possible to enjoy the transformative power of refined sacred space that I have been able to hold just as effectively virtually. There will be plenty alchemy action steps that will involve going out in nature, but one of the key learnings and points of my course is to learn to drop into your inner heart center and inner sacred garden at any point and re-source and call upon the peace, healing power, stillness, and creative brilliance of your own ingenious true nature.

Q: I’m already spread thin and have my hands full and no time to waste. I’m not sure if joining a group and listening to other women’s problems will be draining or energizing.

The group is designed to inspire and invigorate you (rather than suck you dry). Imagine being surrounded by your favorite rolemodels and leaders who each have secret ways of coping and special gifts that helped them to get ahead in life. You will get the insiders’ scoop and will be learning about the intricacies of their methods, and at the same be exploring your own, which will inspire others. The group is NOT a receptacle for unexamined venting, dumping, or rescuing but rather an incubator and cauldron for alchemizing, transforming, and integrating energy, trauma, and related emotion into higher consciousness and wholeness. You will feel uplifted by each interaction, as I do in my practice, because of the program’s intentional design and your collective learning to make the most of every challenge and healing opportunity.

Q: I’d love to ask you more about it, but what if it’s not the right fit or I can’t afford it. I hate to be in that awkward situation of saying “no” and feel guilty or bad afterward.

I get this and appreciate your sensitivity. It may help to know that I’m as invested as you are in exploring if the program is a good fit and will meet your needs. We will derive at this mutually. Each of the women in the group has gone through an interview and meets a specific set of criteria that will ensure their success, and I talked to lots of women who I agree with were either not ready for, or would not be best served by my program at this point in their lives because of their circumstances. I’d be happy to offer you a free call and address all of your questions and concerns. You will experience no pressure from me to do something that is not right for you (this would defeat the entire purpose and premise of my program), but I will encourage you to speak your mind and truth, talk things through, and be open to out-of-the-box ideas and solutions that could get you unstuck (i.e. doubt, second-guessing yourself, and fear of the unknown, change, and commitment can be related to legit concerns or a disguised pattern of shrinking). So many of us rarely get to go through a discovery process like this, which can be clarifying and empowering regardless of final outcome. In regard to price, there are a few optional features of the program, different prices, as well as different payment plans. And there is also an option to start 1-1 if wanting to take things a bit slower or try my methods out first.

If you are interested in learning more, remember that I’m offering a BIG DISCOUNT and FREE BONUS CALL for signing up now. Here is the link to schedule a call directly. For more details about the program and lots of testimonials about previous online courses and their effectiveness, click here: Own your Genius Zone.

And if wanting to explore 1-1 options (I have 2 slots available) or how to get on the waitlist for next year (already got one going and will offer early-bird discounts!), reply to this email and let me know.

PS: My dream for all of us — women, men, adolescents, children — is to be living empowered, creative lives of exponential impact, joy, and freedom in alignment with our soul callings. This is already becoming the “new normal” in my practice and my circles of influence, and gives me hope that if I can create and sustain this, it can be repeated on a larger scale. If this is a vision of the world that you’d like to help make into the new reality, I’d love to teach you my powerful trade-secrets. Best to just schedule a call so we can talk at our leisure and in greater depth about this.

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Loraine Van Tuyl, PhD, CHT is a holistic psychologist, shamanic & Depth Hypnosis practitioner, dynamic speaker, WomanSpeak circle leader, and award-winning author of Amazon Wisdom Keeper: a Psychologist’s Memoir of Spiritual Awakening.

She believes that the most effective way to renature our denatured, patriarchal world is by supporting women’s deep wells of wisdom and game-changing missions with an inner sanctuary and personalized dreamteams of spirit guides. Her two-decade devotion to awakening fierce, wise women and highly-sensitive “Hidden Figures” has led to the empowerment of hundreds of transformation trailblazers in psychology, holistic health, academia, the arts, social justice, eco-science, and entrepeneurship through the cultivation of unwavering trust in their power, clarity, and natural genius.

She is a contributing author of Thrive Global and Rebelle Society, has provided training to master- and doctorate level therapists and healers at the UC Berkeley Counseling Center, the American Center for the Integration of Spiritually Transformative Experiences, and the Native American Health Center, and has spoken as a guest expert for numerous podcasts, radio shows, and women’s groups nationwide.

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