Crying a River for the World


It's slowly dawning on us that we're transitioning into a post-pandemic era that is here to stay.

It's important for us to make space for all of our emotions and grieve our many losses while the dust and ashes of our pre-pandemic reality are settling.

Continuing to go-go-go or rushing into rebuilding without an updated plan could rob us of the opportunity to excavate depths within ourselves that only grief can, as Depth Hypnosis creator and my master teacher of the last 15 years, Isa Gucciardi, PhD, so eloquently states.

Unearthing these uncomfortable and often painful depths is necessary to build a better tomorrow for all.

I can imagine that processing overwhelming feelings and working through loss is probably the last thing you'd want to make space for right now . . . especially because one of the greatest challenges that highly sensitive souls like us struggle with is welcoming and trusting our powerful energy-in-motion––our emotion.

We fear that we'll drown in a bottomless well or cry us a river if we give them free rein, now more so than ever while watching the world enter a global Spiritual Fall.

Anne Lowe, LCSW, Genius Zone grad, and Certified Hypnotherapist in the Spiritual Counseling Practice of Depth Hypnosis recently decided to trust, instead of fear, her tears and her flow. In doing so, she discovered and reclaimed a very rare treasure that many of us are capable of excavating if we gave the process the time and space it needed and deserved.

She shared her powerful transformational journey with fellow grads and soul sisters in this beautiful piece of writing and generously agreed that it would be okay for me to share it with you.

In her detailed account, she shows how much spaciousness and slowing down is needed to not only to acknowledge and accept all feelings, but to emote and experience them in her body, and eventually alchemize and integrate them with organic pacing into her being.

This is what true healing looks like when we trust and track our energy-in-motion (emotion) as a river that not only detoxes and cleanses debris but deeply nourishes, heals, and liberates our soul.

Disclaimer: Grab your tea or coffee. Read till she reaches her final destination. It's long but so worth it. And provides reason why to stretch our twitter-length attention spans moving forward.

In Anne’s words: This writing recounts a shamanic journey I did, trying to get to the bottom of powerful emotions of sadness and anger evoked by my first menstrual cycle after birth and the pandemic.

This sadness was coming up for me now watching people suffer in a large way, especially when the suffering was due to the misguided choices they or another human were making.

And when my period started today for the first time in over a year, I felt this extreme anger emerge—anger at other people for not making an attempt to heal. It makes me so mad . . . this ability to see what they need to heal, and they aren’t doing it. You know somebody has told them, you know they know in their hearts. And myself, I wondered at the anger I felt, fogging over my compassion, when in my own history, I knew I had accepted toxic relationships, done toxic things to myself, the patterns were familiar to my own life.

But this time, I’m so mad about it that it makes me cry. And I notice this feeling of unfairness . . . like how much work I’ve done, and how hard I’m working at holding my own family & community together, when some of them are sometimes making self-destructive choices also.

It’s a feeling of overwhelming sadness that’s activated all over society right now, that sadness watching folks who are making bad choices for themselves and continue to make bad choices.

Normally I’m so patient with it. But it feels so exhausting, I want to be able to stay home, clean, organize and just do that, not be doing work too.

What is happening here?

I see my inner sanctuary, and I can see myself: the little girl from outer space . . . no, the insanely human, porous girl. Sitting against the tree, looking up at the stars longingly. The scene is dark, dry, not emotional.

She is eight maybe, trying hard not to be emotional. She would have a river pouring out of her

eyes if I let her. I call on a guide to be with her so she can feel safe crying.

A goddess arrives with flowing robes. . . Aphrodite. The goddess I most deny, and there is a sadness in me noticing how I have rejected her. And she is here for me with such unconditional, powerful love, intimacy, sexuality, all the beautiful fiery things—this is Aphrodite/ Venus but her clothes are watery today. Like crystals flowing. I shoved her away at the age of the girl.

The Sacred Feminine. I wanted Athena (warrior goddess), and I rejected Aphrodite thinking her weak. But they are together Whole Woman.

I actually rejected both. I didn’t want to be feminine (of course, here is my first period after birth and this is the feeling that arises). Being a woman was nothing good in my mind then. So SheWolf arrives. The girl feels safe enough to cry.

image by Susan Seddon Boulet

She doesn’t feel whole, she feels empty. And she sees the vines and movement of nature . . . they are Aphrodite’s robes, she is a part of Gia. Gia is the only goddess that the girl sees.

Gia reaches out and touches her with her vine and flower-full hands. The girl reaches out to meet them.

“What happened?” we—my adult self, wolf, Gia—ask the girl. She bursts into tears. Gia was the only woman she could cry to.

We reach over, rub her back, and sit with her. Gia allows a flow of water to move things through the scene in a clear, regulated way like a babbling stream. The girl looks up, touching the water, watching the greenery, feeling better.

She is wise, and she is beautiful beyond her years. It is her in another life, her in the future, us in the future, in the past. She is covered in vines, just like Gia. Our own Sacred Feminine.

“What is going on little one?”

The little girl mumbles, “No one understands.”

Sacred Feminine understands, but does not push. She responds, “Understands what, my dear?”

Little girl: “How much I feel. How lost I feel. I don’t know what emptiness is. I’m full, I’m overfull, but it is always for everyone else.”

“I’m mad. It’s unfair. Again and again. (She cries) And I cry and cry, but I could cry forever because it’s not even my own grief that gets touched on.”

Sacred Feminine holds her.

Little girl (Sobbing): “I can’t stop crying. And there is no space for play, no space for fun or relaxation, because I am always trying to empty this water behind my eyes.”

Aphrodite acknowledges that this is why the little girl cannot look at her. There is no space for pleasure, love or romance even. The little girl is sacrificing herself, but she does not know for what or why.

Little girl: “Why am I like this? What is wrong with me?”

Sacred Feminine: “Oh sweet girl, there is nothing wrong with you. You’re longing to be a helper in a world that hasn’t taught you how yet. No one had taught you how to hold boundaries or how to be compassionate without draining your life source.

Little girl: “I sometimes hate the part of myself that has to help others. Like why can’t I just be a girl? Why can’t I just enjoy movies and not restrict myself and work so hard and hold myself to impossible standards? Why is my body and emotions and mind so sensitive?!?!”

Sacred Feminine: “Where does that part come from? Who told you you needed to restrict those things?”

Little girl (scans her body): “It is a rope, a noose around my will, in my core, pulling, pushing, an anxiety. If I do not do everything just right, someone will die! That’s the feeling.”

Adult self: “The truth is no matter what we do, sometimes people die.”

Little Girl cries and sobs, but softer now.

Sacred Feminine: “That restricting part of yourself is trying to offer you a sense of control, trying to have you feel like there’s some way you could stop bad things from happening.”

Little girl (wipes her tears): “Yes, exactly.”

Sacred Feminine: “The reality is you need to feel your grief instead. The loss is real, the grief is real. Sometimes there is nothing you can do. Sometimes you have done all you CAN do, and still bad things happen.”

Little girl (softly, almost rhetorical): “Why?”

Sacred Feminine: “Because, my love, we are all human. Just as you have created suffering in yourself without meaning to, others create suffering in themselves without meaning to. They don’t have the resources, they don’t have the knowledge, they don’t have the spiritual connection to help them.”

Little girl (curious now, eyes drying): “So what can I do?”

Sacred Feminine: “Learn to love yourself, all of yourself.”

Little girl: “How does that fix it for others?”

Aphrodite (I can hear her laughing—the little girl is open to her now): “You think that I don’t help people, do you? The puritanical society has gotten to you as well—thinking work is the only way to achieve. No. Love, there is nothing more powerful than love. You know that.”

Little Girl: “Yes, I suppose I do know that. I thought it was out of love that I was crying non-stop . . . I just don’t know what to do with all those sounds and cries and pain that I hear and feel. How do I stay open and not take them on?”

Aphrodite: “I can teach you how. You do it with lightness, with love, with intimacy, with vulnerability, to cherish others. She dances around, crying, laughing . . . she is so woman . . . she embodies the emotional rushes of an adolescent girl, of a woman in the midst of her cycle, of a woman pregnant, of a woman in birth, of a woman postpartum, of a woman going through menopause. But her womanhood is not overwhelming: she flows with the rush, like a rainbow of emotion, a full range, but in a smooth curve of beauty and awe. Femininity as whole and balanced as it can be.”

Little girl (to Aphrodite in awe): “You are so wise.”

Little girl (to the Sacred Feminine): “So how do I remove this chain that still holds me? (referring to the noose around her 3rd chakra.)

Sacred Feminine (points to how it connects to a line of women behind her): “You find the source and release it.”

Little girl (seeing the other women tied to her in an infinite line behind her): “Oh (now she sees it). We’ve made our own chains.”

Sacred Feminine: “Yes.”

Little girl: “What is it and how do I release it?”

Gia: “It is a core imbalance of women that goes back to many creation stories—think of Eve in the Bible and how the story is distorted. The internalized blame that somehow, by being givers of life and by being the original creators, we women must also have created suffering in life.”

“Our own power is terrifying to men and to ourselves. They had to dismiss us to be in power. How are all female flows viewed by mainstream society? Dirty, painful, ugly, to be hidden. What are all female flows actually? Letting go of old, turning death and destruction into rebirth and life. The shame was so big with some of these distortions, the command was to cleanse our ‘original sin.’”

“Some women thought they had to hate their femininity and cause themselves to suffer when others suffered, because it was ‘their fault’ that others suffered. Instead of using their womanhood to turn death and destruction into rebirth and life, they just tried to take death and destruction into their bodies, as though it was their responsibility that others suffered.”

Little girl (seeing this, wondering about her own flow): “This is why I am stuck here . . . I was afraid of becoming a woman . . .”

Gia: “Yes. Not surprising considering the current climate, your sensitivity, and history passed down from your ancestors.”

Little girl: “I was so afraid of it, I thought I was afraid of my becoming a woman, but I was actually afraid of how I would be treated as a woman by a society which had allowed me to be sexualized as a child.”

Sacred Feminine: “Yes. It was never Aphrodite who was to be feared. It was the attempted rape by her own father Zeus.”

Little girl: “Did she escape?”

Sacred Feminine is smiling.

Aphrodite: “I always do.” (smiling as well)

Little girl, while looking at these two powerful women, she takes the hand of her Sacred Feminine guide on one side and Aphrodite on the other side. She looks like a little girl again, playful, holding on the hands of two adults.

She asks, “Can I go home now?”

Aphrodite & Sacred Feminine: “Do you feel ready? Are you ready to take me into your heart and become a woman?”

Little girl: “Yeah (looking at me), I suppose I already am.”

Aphrodite smiles.

I take the girl in my arms, and she is young now, like my baby, soft arms and legs like a child, just being held close to my chest.

Little girl: “I always wanted to feel just like a child.”

Adult self (I snuggle her closer to me): “You are.”

Little girl: “Can we help the others?” (referring to our ancestors)

Adult self: “Yes, shall we send them a guide to start?”

Little girl: “We can do that now? Oh, yes, please!”

Aphrodite turns and sends out a rainbow of her balanced femininity. It moves through the line, winding through, releasing women, drawing them out of their chains, breaking chains, building their hearts and transformative power. Dark shadows that had been feeding on the self-hatred are released and move quickly out of the area into the atmosphere—the vibrations are too high and the light too strong for them to hold on.

Aphrodite: “This will take some time, but it will happen.”

Adult self to little girl: “Would you like to stay to watch?"

Little girl: “If I can stay in your arms.”

Adult self: “You could stay in my heart if you’d like, and I in yours.”

Little girl: “Can I start off just holding your hand for now while we watch until it is done?”

Adult self: “Yes.”

The little girl takes my hand on one side and we stand on the hill with the tree and Gia, watching Aphrodite and ancestors create the most beautiful rainbow, sunrise, firework experience I’ve ever seen.

Little girl turns to me: “Okay, I’m ready to come into your heart too.”

Adult self: “It’s not done yet.”

Little girl: “No, but it will be, and I know you will be there.”

Aphrodite smiles and winds us up in her rainbow, circling us together until I feel the childlike curiosity and joy of the little girl my heart, and she explores the beauty of the womanhood she now feels in her heart. Sacred Feminine runs as a light between and through us. We are one Woman by the end of it.

Aphrodite smiles at me and runs into her rainbow, continuing her work.

I sit by the base of my tree and watch the incredible sunrise.

The end/beginning.

So beautiful, powerful and relevant, right? What's even more amazing is that many of the highly sensitive souls I work with are making similar strides and discoveries about their true and highest self.

I'm observing that it's becoming increasingly more difficult to ignore calls to serve and to stifle the Buddha and Bodhisattva within. Some who've heard the call are trained and professional healers, psychotherapists and Depth Hypnosis spiritual counselors and practitioners, like Anne, but it's becoming more common-place for men and women from non-healing professions––just in my practice, a warehouse manager, technical coaches, writer(s), entrepeneur(s), academic(s), scientist(s), artist(s), an engineer, and so on––to honor what they've known deep down their entire lives: they were born to help lead the human race through this gateway into higher collective consciousness.

So if you've been entertaining or struggling with these insights (as I did decades ago), you're not crazy, you're not imagining things, and you're not alone.

This is as good a time as ever to lean into these soul and heart yearnings and explore where they lead you. The Foundation of the Sacred Stream, my sangha of the last 15 years, and founders Isa Gucciardi, PhD and Laura Chandler, have worked tirelessly over the years to fully stock their online library with podcasts, articles, books, resources, and online trainings for students and seekers of all levels.

Enjoy and take advantage of this important pause to pivot and potentiate your higher callings and self with the many resources that are now available online.

© Notice of copyright: All copyrights to this website are reserved by the Sacred Healing Well, 2019.  It may not be reprinted in part or whole without the express permission of Loraine Van Tuyl. For comments or questions about other aspects of this site, please contact Loraine Van Tuyl through this form.  Banner and profile images by: In her Image Photography. DISCLAIMER: All the information provided in this website is for educational purposes only. It is NOT intended as a substitute for professional treatment or advice. Do not disregard or delay psychological/medical treatment or advice because of something you have accessed on this website.